


lover boy

by screamignrodent



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Coming Out, Fluff, M/M, Transgender, Transphobia, trans!dan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-27
Updated: 2018-06-27
Packaged: 2019-05-29 05:25:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15066113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/screamignrodent/pseuds/screamignrodent
Summary: dan decides it's finally time to tell Phil about a very important part of him





	lover boy

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: dysphoria, mentioned/implied transphobia, swearing, smut (nothing too graphic)
> 
> a/n—I got the title from lover boy by phum viphurit so s/o to that song its beautiful. Also, I am a trans guy and so I sort of based this fic off of my own experiences as a trans person. Obviously my life is different b/c im a lower-class Italian but u know. Cinematic parallels or something

He knows he doesn’t have to tell him.

Obviously, he doesn’t. He’s got no obligation to tell Phil that he’s transgender and that’s that. But, they’ve been dating each other for a couple of months, and really, it’s only a matter of time until Phil figures it out for himself. It’s not like Dan exactly hides it, either. Phil probably thinks he’s a heroin addict because of the testosterone injections that he does every Friday.

He’s _not_ a heroin addict. He promises.

But, it’s not like he can be certain what Phil will say. There are so many horrible outcomes—the biggest being that Dan ends up dead (he doubts it) and the best case being that Phil is moderately uncomfortable and breaks up with him.

Well, he _could_ be accepting but that wouldn’t happen because Dan’s just generally a shitty person.

When they’d been dating around four weeks, he and Phil had somehow ended up in his bed. Really, Dan _should’ve_ seen it coming from a million miles away, but he’s stupid and naïve and he invited his boyfriend to bed thinking they’d just cuddle and fall asleep.

But Phil’s lips had found his instead, and then they’d found his jaw.

And his neck.

And his collarbone.

And all too fast, Phil was trying to slide his hands underneath Dan’s shirt and Dan _knew_ that if Phil felt the binder he’d be out of Dan’s life faster than he’d entered and he really like Phil.

And while Dan didn’t really want to stop, he also didn’t really plan on losing Phil anytime soon.

So, he’d told him to stop, forced his rumpled shirt back into a smoother state, and politely asked Phil if he would leave.

Phil had seemed hurt, asking if he could fix anything and apologizing profusely, but Dan made it clear that it wasn’t Phil’s fault. He made up some bullshit lie about not feeling in the mood, though he was most _certainly_ in the mood, and Phil took the excuse at face value.

He checks the coffee pot clock: _17:12_. Phil will be at his flat soon, seeing as he gets off of work at around five and it’s only a fifteen-minute ride on the underground from the studio to Dan’s place.

He tries to calm his nerves but to no avail. His body is screaming against the idea of telling Phil; his brain is screaming about rejection, but he knows that he should do it. It’ll take the stress and weight off of his shoulders.

He takes a breath, reminds himself why he’s doing this in the first place (so that he and Phil can keep moving forward, because he _really_ likes Phil), and pushes himself to make them dinner. He did, after all, promise Phil another one of their domestic evenings together.

Phil’s made a habit of sleeping in Dan’s bed (“It’s like a sleepover but for grownups!”) which has made it hard for Dan to, you know, _sleep without a binder_ , so he’s made a habit of his own: get Phil tired so that he can sleep earlier than Phil, and then wake up earlier than Phil. It’s worked thus far.

There’s a knock at the door, and then Dan can hear a key turning and footsteps rushing up the stairs. “Dan!” Phil calls eagerly, “Look,” he thrusts a paper in Dan’s face.

Dan doesn’t know what he’s looking at first—it’s way too close for him to read, the font is too small, and he’s caught on the spot. But, after a bit, he realizes that it’s a schedule for the BBC radio shows.

Phil’s has been moved to air from 12:00 to 3:00.

“That’s great, baby!” Dan exclaims, grabbing Phil’s collar and pulling him into a kiss. “I’m proud of you.”

“We’ll be able to see each other more, and it’s better airing time,” his expression of pure joy is contagious, Dan is smiling from ear to ear.

“And you can help me with dinner, since you always insist on coming over to eat.”

Phil gives him a fake pout and Dan can’t resist the urge to kiss him square on the mouth. Phil attempts to deepen the kiss, but Dan’s a master at avoiding anything that could lead to intimacy at this point. He playfully slaps Phil’s shoulder to get him to pull away (because Dan won’t pull away first).

“Hey, don’t try to distract me, boy,” Dan scolds. “See if the water is boiling, the pasta is on the counter,” Phil leans in for one last kiss before heading over the stove.

Dan is still shaking, he hopes Phil can’t see it. He’ll need to sit down soon or else he’ll collapse out of pure nerves of what’s to come.

He takes a seat from the table, taking a shaky breath as Phil stirs the pasta into the water and turns back to Dan with a worried expression.

“You okay?” He stalks over and squats so that he’s in front of Dan. Reaching out a hand to check Dan’s temperature, he murmurs, “You don’t feel warm, but you might be getting sick. You’re pale as hell.”

He lets out a nervous laugh, “I-I’m okay, just— just dreading something.”

Phil gives him a sad look, “Please don’t break up with me, I thought we were really going somewhere.”

Dan doesn’t meet his gaze; he doesn’t tell Phil that Phil might want to break up with _Dan_ after he hears this. He continues, “I haven’t been fully honest,” Phil takes a sharp intake of breath, and he runs to correct himself, “I haven’t been dishonest either! I just haven’t told you something important about myself.”

“Is it that you’re gay?” Phil asks, jokingly, knowing what Dan would say usually, “ _Um, I’m bi, so you clearly aren’t my boyfriend_ ”.

But Dan’s so caught up in his own head that he doesn’t even give Phil a smile. “Y-you know about like t-trans people?” his voice cracks and he curses himself for allowing this to be so damn _hard_. It’s just that he really likes Phil and he wants— _needs_ —them to work out. He looks up at Phil long enough to see him give an encouraging nod. “Well, I am trans people,” he shakes his head, “Fuck, I mean—I’m transgender.”

“Y-you want to transition into being a girl? Is that why you won’t have sex—”

“No, I—I identify as a guy.”

“Then how—oh.”

“Yea, ‘oh’,” he sighs. “It’s fine, I get it if you’re not comfortable being with me anymore it’s perfectly okay—”

Phil cuts him off with a hard kiss to his lips. Dan feels his shock melt away quickly with the realization that he should probably kiss back, and his mouth and brain suddenly align, and things aren’t awkward at _all_ anymore. Phil’s lips move hesitantly against Dan’s, as if asking if he needs to adjust his usual kissing technique, but Dan just deepens the kiss into their usual rhythm until he can’t breathe anymore.

 When he pulls away, he says, “I think the pasta’s boiling over.”

And Dan laughs, because, _yep_ , his counter is covered in boiling water, and he laughs because he was so, _so,_ worried. But things turn out to be just fine.

He thinks, things will be just fine.

**Author's Note:**

> send me prompts on my tumblr: prettyboydanhowells.tumblr.com


End file.
